A Long time ago in a cinema not so far away...

The Star Wars hype hadn’t quite built up just yet around our area, we were always the last to find out about the latest blockbusters. (The ABC in Romford was hardly in the same realm as the Empire Leicester Square). I really had no idea about what was about unfold in front of very eyes.

I was a scared young lad (I was only 6!) and when the lights went out, I cried my eyes out. My father didn't take well to this, and whacked me and then dragged me into the toilets. Presumably, I felt, to give me a good ticking down. However, he just just whacked me, and my ice lolly felt into the urinal as I cried even more.

Eventually, we made our way back to our seats. When the curtain opened and the 20^th Century Fox Fanfare blasted into play, I knew I was in for something special. The Star Wars theme burst into my ears for the very first time. There was an amazing tingling feeling in my arms and I shuddered with excitement. The “Sense-Surround” sound had magnified the volume somewhat, and I very nearly jumped out of my seat – both scared and excited about what was to happen next. Some people had taken the trouble to actually leave the theatre, as they couldn’t stand the volume. I remember reading some years later that people actually had physical damage done to their ears as a result of this new technological wonder of sound. “Sense-Surround” didn’t hang around in that cinema for very long, but it was great while it lasted!

Once the film was over, I cried again. I wanted to see it again, I just had to take it all in once more. In those days, you used to be able to hang around after a film and see the next showing for free. For some reason or another, the ushers never seemed to be in such a rush to clean up the floors as they are nowadays. My dad wasn’t prepared to hang around though, and he dragged me back outside and walloped me as I cried louder.

That was my very first trip to the pictures with my dad.

Many years later, in my thirties when the Special Editions were released in the cinema, I went to see Star Wars again with my wife. Once the lights went down, and the fanfare started, I found myself back in the Romford ABC, 1977. I had to get out. I managed to last about 10 minutes before I felt almost claustrophobic. The dark was overwhelming and closing in on me. It was a very strange feeling and I couldn’t handle it.

In writing this, it’s immediately apparent that it is difficult to understand what someone can learn from all of this. It was my first furore into the cinema, and to this day I still get a kick out of seeing a film on the big screen. These days though, it’s usually me taking my kids to see the latest animated 3D film. We always stock up on Maltesers, Minstrels and a drink before we see the film.

I never buy them ice lollies though….

Welcome

All events in this blog are true...

This may appear to some to be a somewhat bold statement, and I realise that I am asking a lot by expecting you to believe this. After all, I haven’t even introduced myself yet and I am asking for you to believe that this blog is true, except that I haven’t actually asked you that yet, but let’s just assume that I have. You don’t believe me, do you?. Well, stick with me and trust me on this one...

I know everything that happened in this blog actually happened in reality because I was there and you weren’t (unless you are one of the unfortunate few to have been involved in the events here-on in, in which case, Hi! How have you been?). By asking you to believe that I was actually there for all of the events that you haven’t actually read about yet, I am expecting a lot from you, I know. But bear with me.

You should appreciate that I have put a lot of pressure on myself to deliver the goods here, and I won’t let you down. Well, I may let you down. It all depends on your expectations and if you are the sort of person who is easily let down. If massive revelations are your bag, then the rest of this blog may very well be a bit of an anticlimax for you. The thing is, you won’t actually know until you read it will you, so you may as well carry on reading. You never know, you may learn something!

For the sake of argument then, let us assume that you are the bright young individual that you actually resemble (though I’m not too sure that your shirt goes with those shoes), and I can proceed...

Let me start by telling you that anyone who knows me well will say that I’m not into making guarantees. That’s not the first thing that they will tell you, obviously, (that would be ridiculous) but it will be up there with the rest of the revelations about me not liking celery, having a bad taste in ties and the fact that “plop” is my favourite word. I CAN guarantee, however, that you will either like, dislike or have no opinion at all on the rest of this blog. How many other people do you know that can make such a guarantee and mean it?. Go on, think about it for a minute. Nope! Didn’t think so!

I’m guessing by now that you are wondering what the bloody hell this blog is actually about. Well, first of all, allow me introduce myself. My name is Geoff and I am an alcoholic. Actually, my name is NOT Geoff, and I’m not an alcoholic. I just threw that in to make sure that you were still paying attention. Don’t get me wrong though, I like the odd pint of cider occasionally, but I don’t get up in the morning and think “I’d like a pint of cider”. My drinking is done in a controlled fashion - except on those rarest of rare occasions when it isn’t. But I will elaborate on that later in this blog, so that’s something to look forward to, isn’t it?.

Ok, so you have already learned something (didn’t I tell you that you would?). Now, I realise that you are probably thinking that learning my fake name, and the fact that I like the odd pint of cider, probably isn’t worth the asking price of this blog. I guess I ought to tell you a bit more about why I am here then, and where this bus ride is taking us. Is it a bus ride?. No, it’s not - I used the wrong phrase completely there - what I meant to say was “journey”, so I wasn’t too far off. (I am actually on a bus journey whilst I am telling you this, which probably explains the confusion).

To start the ball rolling then, I want you to try and understand how we are all different, but also exactly the same. The very same things that happen to you may very well have happened to me as well, and vice-versa. That is rather a bold statement I know, I should explain that I am not talking about meeting your mate down the pub for a quick pint or two - I have never met Dave and probably wouldn’t like him if I had. The kind of situations that I am referring to mainly relate to emotions - love, lust, hatred, depression, loneliness, happiness and the most important one of all - luck.

It’s my belief that luck plays a major part in keeping the balance between positive and negative. If you don’t have any luck, then chances are that the only other emotions you have experienced are the negative ones. The trouble is, I don’t have any luck. I’m convinced of it. If I had any luck, I would have been able to get off with Tessa Green at the school disco, got away with shoplifting when I was 16, and very probably not be stuck in a dead end job as an I.T. specialist. I use the term “specialist” in a very loose way here. I am, in fact, NOT a specialist - certainly not in I.T in any case. I sort of fell into the job much like pussy willow fell into that well in the nursery rhyme, but without the physical act of falling into a well (that would be dangerous). I suspect that the cats name wasn’t “Willow” either, but that’s not important right now - much like this entire cat analogy.

A lot of people don’t believe that luck exists, and if it does exist then we create our own luck. Well, I am here to tell you that’s a load of bollocks. And that’s what this blog is about. No, not a load of bollocks, I am referring to the explanation of those situations where lady luck decided to shine her light on someone else other than me. Hell, the “luck light” (as I don’t hesitate to call it) may even have shone on you at some stage in the past - in which case, give me a break you bastard!. That light was meant for me!.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is how we are all essentially the same. You probably have felt as unlucky as me at times and wanted to throw yourself under something in frustration (and I am not talking about that really annoying board game with that dice stuck in the plastic dome. You wouldn’t fit under that, unless you just placed it on your head, and that would be ridiculous). We are all the same, but it’s what we learn from life that defines us and separates us from others (Unless you were born a Siamese twin or something).

So, friend of mine (do you mind if I call you that? I feel like we have already formed a unique relationship in the short time that I have known you) take a ticket and jump on board the luck bus - the fare is free (aside from the ticket that you have just taken - that’s £3.40 please) and join me in the journey of life. We will be stopping off at such places as my teens, twenties and thirties and I can guarantee (here I go making guarantees again) that the journey will be a fruitful one. Just make sure that you bring plenty of custard........